The dungeon master

Well that was a game I really didn't understand, I mean, the rules were very clear. But the gameplay was very strange!

I had my role, and I was having an adventure. I had my stats, and they were OK, I had infinite mana, I don't know why... The dungeon was normal, but the puzzles were confused. It always felt like I was passing everyting, winning the game, but the rules were "you can't win, no matter what happens"... So I always thougt I was going to dead easily, but no... I never was killed, by any enemy, that was weird! But at the same time, it was an endless game! So... that didn't make sense! I would preferd play another game, it would be more easy if the game was ending as soon as possible.

I was very good in my role, I was improving myself, I leved up, and the game becomed a really important part of me, that was because the dungeon master chose that it was it that way! That's absurd, why should be that important, if it really doesn't have that value! Nevertheless, I continued playing, because I was curious and I was very focus to know if it been posible to win (spoiler alert: the rules were the rules).

That's why I felt cheated! That is really bad game, why did I play that?! why the dungeon master never end with it?! Well, I have a theory... If you think about it, the dungeon master needs a player to play... In the middle time, I was like a toy, a temporal patch, a utility knife... But it was obvious that I didn't play that forever, I mean, I could! But I didn't want it.

I prefer write my own story, It would be more exciting and more funny. I am always open to sugestions.

Less human

Ok, I have to admit it, I am the problem. I hate everyone (like always), I there is a lot of thing about what I can complain.

Yes, I miss all of that, I miss you... And now I understand that there is not much difference, about my actitude, I still think a lot about it. Aparently I really cared about you. But now I have to be objective (like always)...

Maybe it's not you what I really miss, it's only having a person, yeah I now, that sounds very bad, I am heartless and bla bla, but I have not finished yet! The problem is that I really miss care about you, to listen about your day or your cotidian problems. I miss the sound of your voice and even the structure of your sentences (yep, everyone write different in some aspects). But let's back to the humanless nature, I miss have someone to care about it, and you was perfect for that role! Don't misunderstand me, you have a lot of "oportunity areas" for improvement.

I hate this situation, but little by little, I start the demolition of all of that. It's hard, everytime I remember...

Now I fell less human, like I really hate emotions and stuff, I want to destroy humanity again and maybe stole the christmas and things like that. Maybe I never was very human, and I just build artificial emotions, but hey, for me they were very real.

I don't regred been an artificial human, it felt nice. But now, well it's a war in my head, "hope vs hate", is very interesting.

At the end, I know it's dead, but it's hard to admit it. I just hope you are OK, maybe I will never know it, and for that is just a wish.

Now I am in that pahse when I don't want to feel anything anymore in life... a little dramatic (like always)... Humans why?!

Only in my mind

You know what is funny? I don't know what I told you before is real and what not. I mean, how can I be sure that what I am telling you at this moment is real, I think everything is tricky, I always manipulate the information according with the situation. Or, maybe everything was real, in each different moment.

Think about it, I am capable to change my mind, I can choose what is good and what is bad for me, I can rewrite every thought about facts or people, I fed one idea or another, then I am able to feel with more intensity every ilusion that I create. So for a moment I probably was be very indiferent, then I was complete crazy about that idea, and then it is like "bah it's not the big deal".

Every feeling is fed by ourselves, if we forgot feed it, will die eventually, if you never think about it, that idea will disapear. That's why if you feel bad, you need to distract yourself and then make different activities... Then you can replace the pain or the same, with another memory. Or try a something new!

It's always real, but I always have to work with every idea that I want to conserve.

My mind is clear now, I am the one who make the choises, and this time, I chose lose all that memories, create a bad feeling about it and never look back.