Here we go again

Yes, I know, every time I came back it is because things are going bad somehow, and it is partially true. But nothing to worry, I have complete control of this darkness.

It has been a while since the last time I wrote here, and it has been due to my laziness mostly because I always remember that I can write about absolutely anything and no one would care, or should care, in the end, this is just a random blog of opinions and basically abandoned.

Let's make short recapitulation: A lot of questionable bad decisions, with a lot of ups and downs, sounds like just life, right? I mean I am the most boring person in the world, so obviously my adventures haven't been that dangerous or exotic. I met many parts of the world, a thing that for the time when I started this blog never expected.

Who I was when I started this blog? Just a random boy with Internet access, with a lot of thoughts and a lot of random ideas, who just wanted to write and send a message, did I wanted to be heard? That I am not sure, because I am a very shy person, and I have been since those days. Life was of course easier, fewer things to worry, and just complain about people, for what I have learned they are most of the cases the problem. What they do and why they do it. But in those days I was also dealing with a bunch of teenagers who barely use their minds, they were more focused on stupid stuff, they didn't even care about learning, I mean it was their only job, and they failed.

Who I am now? Well, I am a bitter young adult with Internet access, with a lot of thoughts and a lot of random ideas, who doesn't care about send it a message, now I just care in feel that I am taking the ideas out of my mind. Because I like to think that helps me to organize my ideas.

Is there any lesson that I would send to my younger self. Mmm, do whatever you want, never be afraid, most of the authorities sucks, don't trust people... I think most important, never take things personal, because many people want to be mean with you because you are smarter and bla bla bla. If you have control over your emotions, their words are meaningless. so don't worry. People come and go, there are more important people that will appear in your life, and whatever you do, be brave.

I was planning to throw a lot of negative thoughts, but I guess I wait to long for that, and now I am more stable, too bad, I need to reflex on my emotional moments to inspire me for more content. Nevertheless, I have more ideas of things that I would like to write.

If you ask why suddenly I am writing on English instead of Spanish? That is because it is always a good practice, and as you can see, I am more fluid than I would expect it. But, the next big step, I will continue writing things on German, because I need even more practice on that, but instead of bringing thoughts, I will write stories... Because it should be a simpler vocabulary, but it will be hard in terms of creativity, I don't remember when I wrote the last tale... Many years, so, the quality will be rubish, don't judge, maybe one day it will get better.

Also, I have some more thoughts to share, next one is about social media and isolation... But I don't know if I should do it on Spanish or on English... I will throw a coin.

Hunger

Jetzt, wie ich brauche mein Sprache kenntnisse üben, hier es gibt ein lustig und sinnlos Text.

Was motivieren uns? Was macht dass wir machen mehr Aufwand? Immer es gibt ein Grund, wenn du hast kein gutte Grund wärscheinlich du bewegst dich nicht.

Du brauchst fühlen Hunger, das aktiviert deine Überlebensinstink, das zwingt dich zu bewegst dich.

Wenn du ohne Lust fühlst, erinnern dich, du brauchst ein Grund, du brachst Hunger, du musst Mangel zu wissen, du musst Angst fühlen. Immer denkt: warum du tut das? Oder, gibt es keine gute Grund?

Verfolgt diese Leidenschaft, fühlt dem Hunger, arbeit in die Dingen, die sind wert.

Line Followers

That was one of the most simple and frustrating projects in my career...

But that's remind me... I think that our actual school model is building to convert people in some kind of machines, only capable to receive orders and execute them, just like robots... you don't need think or be creative, follow the order and everything will be ok.

You can observe this phenom in the office works, it's just like you learn in the school, all the time there is someone to tell you what you need to do... It's a very sad situation... But what it really bothers me it is the fact that people are OK with that! That level of conformity makes me upset, I hate it! I hate all those people who are able to do much more and they don't just because they are already good, they have money and that's all what they need... Be human it's just repugnant.

Why? It's hard? It's impossible? It's too much for you? You really don't care about it? I mean, for sure are the same kind of person who doesn't have interesting in change the world, I am OK, what is the big deal? Why should I worry about the others or for the nature?

Think about it... that's all what you can do? That's all what you want for the rest of your life?

If there is a line there, are you going to follow it forever? Haven't you a minimum curiosity about the rest of the world? What else are far away?

My robot follows the line sometimes... Yeah... I was young and I didn't know anything about life... or electronics...  Nowadays it's simple I can see it... At least I think I don't boren to follow the line.

The changing plan

At the beginning of my conscious mind, probably when I had 13 or 14 years, I was looking for the meaning of life, why I am here? And already from that point I was a very egocentric person.... And for that my original plan was: I am going to change the world! I am going to be someone very important in the story of humanity, I am going to revolutionize the world!

Then time pass, I talk with other persons, with the same plan, it was nice... But then certain competence start on me, that i wanna be the very best that no one ever was... oh wait... And then the plan change: To be someone very important, very rich and powerful, and then I will be able to change the world!!

The next phase was more simple... I was in the university, I realize that make something important for the world will be very hard, and the science is very expensive! So, the first step should be be rich! Then make some important advance in science... and maybe that could help to the humanity...

And just before I ended my bachelor, I was being more simple, the plan change: I only want to make some innovator product, and maybe that will be useful... in some way.

Now I don't know, maybe I just want to have a good life, good money, live experiences (because Millenals), and that's all, maybe be happy... just maybe...  And, if it's possible, make some science.... and with some luck, some of my experiements could be important... and maybe then... the world be changed.

You choose... poorly...

Well, now doesn't matter!

Ok every choise you make, brings consecuences, you know it! And every time you have to leave something more, you lose something to try to win something else. You have to take riks in your life, because if you don't, it will be boring.

Well, if you choise brings you happyness, congratulation! The post ends for you!

Now for the bitter and sad persons, I know that feel bro! I can understand pretty well what is the frustration, what is think a lot about a decision and finally when you get enough corage, it results in a very bad decision... Ya ya.. Everyone says the same "If you learn something it wasn't a bad decision", well guess what? It's a bad decision, and it cost to you something and a someway (Comodin words win).

Ok, now what? Yoy plan get sad for the rest of your life? Pff! What a shame of you! Go on, keep living, confront the situation, solve the problem! Or are you dead? Well if that is the case I'm sorry for you, it was a really bad situation and you don't even learn anything! But hey! Others will learn from your mistakes! Well... If it was something public... If not... Ok forget that.

My point is, you need to continue with your life, yeah you have right to be sad.... But just for a moment! Then it's time to the next, the next gamble! Life is excited! You need more mistakes in your life, it's good material for inspiration, the desperation is always a good motivation stuff... I hate it... But it works.

Your instinct for survive will be activated! Use it for bigger challenges!

Don't surrender yet! Well actually, surrend in that thing, and change for another better.

It's ok, you have time, you are alive. it worth!

What do you bet for a very happy day?

The dungeon master

Well that was a game I really didn't understand, I mean, the rules were very clear. But the gameplay was very strange!

I had my role, and I was having an adventure. I had my stats, and they were OK, I had infinite mana, I don't know why... The dungeon was normal, but the puzzles were confused. It always felt like I was passing everyting, winning the game, but the rules were "you can't win, no matter what happens"... So I always thougt I was going to dead easily, but no... I never was killed, by any enemy, that was weird! But at the same time, it was an endless game! So... that didn't make sense! I would preferd play another game, it would be more easy if the game was ending as soon as possible.

I was very good in my role, I was improving myself, I leved up, and the game becomed a really important part of me, that was because the dungeon master chose that it was it that way! That's absurd, why should be that important, if it really doesn't have that value! Nevertheless, I continued playing, because I was curious and I was very focus to know if it been posible to win (spoiler alert: the rules were the rules).

That's why I felt cheated! That is really bad game, why did I play that?! why the dungeon master never end with it?! Well, I have a theory... If you think about it, the dungeon master needs a player to play... In the middle time, I was like a toy, a temporal patch, a utility knife... But it was obvious that I didn't play that forever, I mean, I could! But I didn't want it.

I prefer write my own story, It would be more exciting and more funny. I am always open to sugestions.

Less human

Ok, I have to admit it, I am the problem. I hate everyone (like always), I there is a lot of thing about what I can complain.

Yes, I miss all of that, I miss you... And now I understand that there is not much difference, about my actitude, I still think a lot about it. Aparently I really cared about you. But now I have to be objective (like always)...

Maybe it's not you what I really miss, it's only having a person, yeah I now, that sounds very bad, I am heartless and bla bla, but I have not finished yet! The problem is that I really miss care about you, to listen about your day or your cotidian problems. I miss the sound of your voice and even the structure of your sentences (yep, everyone write different in some aspects). But let's back to the humanless nature, I miss have someone to care about it, and you was perfect for that role! Don't misunderstand me, you have a lot of "oportunity areas" for improvement.

I hate this situation, but little by little, I start the demolition of all of that. It's hard, everytime I remember...

Now I fell less human, like I really hate emotions and stuff, I want to destroy humanity again and maybe stole the christmas and things like that. Maybe I never was very human, and I just build artificial emotions, but hey, for me they were very real.

I don't regred been an artificial human, it felt nice. But now, well it's a war in my head, "hope vs hate", is very interesting.

At the end, I know it's dead, but it's hard to admit it. I just hope you are OK, maybe I will never know it, and for that is just a wish.

Now I am in that pahse when I don't want to feel anything anymore in life... a little dramatic (like always)... Humans why?!

Only in my mind

You know what is funny? I don't know what I told you before is real and what not. I mean, how can I be sure that what I am telling you at this moment is real, I think everything is tricky, I always manipulate the information according with the situation. Or, maybe everything was real, in each different moment.

Think about it, I am capable to change my mind, I can choose what is good and what is bad for me, I can rewrite every thought about facts or people, I fed one idea or another, then I am able to feel with more intensity every ilusion that I create. So for a moment I probably was be very indiferent, then I was complete crazy about that idea, and then it is like "bah it's not the big deal".

Every feeling is fed by ourselves, if we forgot feed it, will die eventually, if you never think about it, that idea will disapear. That's why if you feel bad, you need to distract yourself and then make different activities... Then you can replace the pain or the same, with another memory. Or try a something new!

It's always real, but I always have to work with every idea that I want to conserve.

My mind is clear now, I am the one who make the choises, and this time, I chose lose all that memories, create a bad feeling about it and never look back.